Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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