I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
