there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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