Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
