Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
