I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
