I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
