thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
