I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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