I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
