we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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