Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You took a bar mat shot.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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