She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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