I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
