Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
