you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
