in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
