But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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