Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
