Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
