I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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