the condom got lost in my hair
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
