if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
