last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
