I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Need sex. Gaining weight.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
