He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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