my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Life is so much better after having sex.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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