Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
