If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
