I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
