You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
