it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
