so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
