How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
