I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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