Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
