i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
