I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
