Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
