wakey wakey hands off snakey
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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