I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
