I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
