So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
