I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
