she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
