Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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