Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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