it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The ass gains better be worth it
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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