He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
