I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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